


What if I Never Make it?

by bawn_bawn



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, GAY GAY GAY, M/M, Teen Campers (Camp Camp), but! he'll be doing back flips on the ISS one day trust me, he a worried boyo, sk usually can pass tests and shit with little to no effort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 04:14:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17480969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bawn_bawn/pseuds/bawn_bawn
Summary: some gay shit!! i wrote while semi-high!space bro doubting himself and max comforting him uwu





	What if I Never Make it?

There was something about Neil Armstrong Junior that was off, these past two weeks. When Max had asked him if he wanted to take the bus to his house, his eyes didn't light up like they did every time. When they held hands, he didn't grip on like usual. He didn't answer texts five seconds later. His performance on the football team seemed less enthusiastic, he even skipped once. He came to school every day with a weary smile and a hint of exhaustion in his soft eyes.

Max wanted to confront him about it, and he really tried. He was stubborn as fuck. But, he did crack a  _tiny_ bit, when Max asked him why his room's lights were on until 2 am. He explained he was cramming for a test. Which, was surprising. Usually, he took his time and he'd pass like it was nothing. The kid was fucking smart, just slow.

And then when asked why he skipped football practice, he had to study.

"Max?" Said boy looked up at him with concern in his eyes. He's been told before he can tell Max anything, why would it change? "Yeah, Neil?"

He looked away, trying to hide his glistening eyes and reddening face.

"What if I never make it?"

Max froze. What the hell did that mean? He's not dying, is he? He raised an eyebrow and gripped his hand tighter, taking it into his lap and covering it with his other hand, "Make what?"

His bottom lip quivered, but it turned into a sad smile as he laughed, "You're gonna think this is so stupid-"

He was stopped right there.

"Neil."

He shook his head, trying his best to blink back tears as Max continued, "You know I could  _never_  think your worries are stupid. You matter to me Neil, just- start talking. I won't interrupt," Neil slowly nodded, and took a few seconds to stammer out, " Um... "

Yeah that was it. 'Um.'

But, Max knew he needed to take his time so, he gripped his hand a bit tighter, scuttling a bit closer.

Neil noticed this, flushing red as his galaxy eyes watered. He sniffled, and while still looking to the side he stuttered, "Are- Are you sure?? I don't wanna just drop all of this onto you-" Max nodded and mumbled a, "Go ahead."

"Um, well, uh- so-" he clenched his free hand into a fist to calm himself as he took a breath, "You know how I'm- um. I've been trying real hard to get good grades, and- and I've been taking extra classes for everything, um," he quickly wiped his eyes after seeing Max's nod, albeit confused. He didn't exactly know where this was going but-

"I'm just wondering if it's all- it's all  _worth it,_  y'know?"

Oh.

**_Oh._ **

He continued, "Um, what if-- what if I'm working so hard for absolutely nothing? What if I'm doing all this to just end up being, like, a janitor or something?" Neil turned his head, and his honey eyes finally met Max's vermilion irises as hot tears gathered at his waterline and threatened to spill. Neil tightened his grip on Max's hand, and he shoved his textbooks away as he continued.

"And I'm 'Neil Armstrong's great grandson', my name is  _literally_  Neil Alden Armstrong Junior! It's like my whole life was planned out for me since the beginning! Thanks to my stupid name- I," he paused. Anyone could tell he had much more on his mind to get out, so, Max, being a respectful human being stayed quiet, softly running his thumb over his knuckles.

"It kinda makes me wonder what my name would be, if I wasn't, y'know-"

"And- and I know I'm supposed to be proud! I know I have to follow my great grandad's legacy. It was basically set in stone the moment 'Neil' was written on my birth certificate," he let out a few stutters afterword and his tears finally decided to fall, but he rubbed hard at his eyes trying to get them to stop. I reached up my other hand and softly removed his hand from his face, seeing how red he was underneath. After seeing my expression he seemingly broke, "Sor-sorry I'm kind of just rambling about my name, um-" he sniffled, fidgeting with Max's exotic fingers as he prepared to speak again.

"I want to be an astronaut, I really do! I want to be able to meet the stars one day. But I- I, I, just  _can't_  envision it ever happening, like I used to, I guess. Imagine me going up into the atmosphere, and something goes terribly wrong all of a sudden; my crew will  _die_ just because I'm too much of a fucking idiot to realize what's going on around me!" Neil was shouting by the end, thick tears caking his face.

Max was on auto-pilot as he reached up to cup his face with his hands, wiping his tears away with his thumbs, "Hey, hey..."

His bottom lip quivered and Max could see him holding back as his tears just continued to spill. He looked down at Max, and he was quiet for a moment before finally bursting into tears, pulling him into a tight bear hug and sobbing into his shoulder. Neil clenched the fabric of Max's shirt between his fingers, and he immediately wrapped his arms around his shoulders, rubbing Neil's back with one of Max's hands while the other gripped at his shirt.

Neil continued to ramble quietly to himself as he cried, hugging Max tighter to his chest.

"I've been told literally all my life that I won't ever make it; that I'm lying to myself. I'm just wondering if it's true..."

Max felt his heart break.

He fed into that once.

But that was years ago, when Neil was just a little kid with seemingly.. just a dream. But he's older now, and he was actually becoming successful! The fact he still has astronaut figurines decorating his shelves and stacks and bookshelves of text books and space encyclopedias alone, it wasn't just a simple "phase" that he was going to outgrow. He wanted this, he was determined to fulfill his legacy, most people got that by now.

Max was, to say the least, terrible at comforting people and Neil knew this. Some times he just needed someone to hold him for a bit. And that's exactly what Max did. He didn't coo at him or anything; he embraced him, and let Neil cry it out on his shoulder. To any outsider it would be a weird sight. A giant, a 6"4 muscular hunk bawling his eyes out onto another boy's shoulder.

After a moment and Neil's cries died down into snotty sniffles, Max chose to say a few words as he softly pulled away, taking Neil's hands into his own and peering into his glistening eyes. 

"Well- you know I'm shit at comforting but... I'm always going to be here for you. And I'll be cheering you on no matter what, okay? And honestly I can't imagine you doing anything else but leaving your footprints on Mars!"

Neil laughed at that, using his shoulder to wipe away the tears rolling down his chin.

"Because guess what, Neil?! I believe you're going to make history one day. No matter what you do. There are so many careers you could pursue, if, for some reason, you don't make it... Life will figure itself out in the long run, Neil. I one hundred percent believe that."  
  
"But," Max sighed, resting his hand over top Neil's, "You don't have to be famous to be an Armstrong. You don't have to be in history books in order to be yourself."

That seemed to hit home for the boy before him as he shed the last of his tears. Bottled up emotions, sleepless nights, all crashing down on him at once. It felt good to let it out with someone he could trust.

Max smiled and reached up to grab Neil's face, making him lean down to his level as he smooched everywhere he could reach, and Neil giggled quietly as he planted several kisses on the surface of his nose and lips, wrapping his arms around Max's waist and encasing him in warmth.

Max melted into the hug, a comfortable silence followed as Neil's giggles faded.

"Wanna watch movies and cuddle?"

**Author's Note:**

> sowwy the end seems kind of unfinished.....im bad at endings oops


End file.
